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Toolongdidntreadplz
Tu madre
United States
For anyone familiar with the meme, then this is a perfect one to use.

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:iconthepowerbeast:
ThePowerBeast Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
:icontoolongdidntreadplz:
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:iconkissasheep:
Kissasheep Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2017  Hobbyist Artist
:iconepictordplz:
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:iconkissasheep:
Kissasheep Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2017  Hobbyist Artist
WARNING: CARRY ON READING! OR YOULL DIE LAUGHING!
One day, a sexy chin dude named Matt watched Monster Musume, a weird eyed dude named Tom thinks Matt was becoming a weeaboo, then a guy with a green hoodie named Edd changed it to Chalkzone, Matt got angry, he got a pokeball, Sent out Red hoodie bloody murderer Tord out, he used rifle, Edd and Tom died
If you don't send this to Robbie Rotten people in Barry B Benson days, Edd will murder you
Don't believe me?
Case 1:
Eddy
He ignored this
Then Ed did something retarded and Double D had to fix it
Case 2:
Rudy Tabootie
He sent this to only Phil people
Snap had stolen Penny from him
Case 3:
Wubbzy
Wubbzy sent this to Stingy people
WWW got cancelled in 2010
Case 4:
Waffle
Waffle sent this to Once-Ler people, his YouTube channel got terminated
Case 5:
Waluigi333
Waluigi333 was a smart person, he sent this to Robbie Rotten people, he got core Til Hell Freezes Over

0-ITSH DUH: a thing
Phil-Sparta: ur gurl get stolen
stingy-ohare: a cancellation
onceler-Sr Pelo: your channel gets terminated
Robbie Rotten: you get core til hell freezes over
Tom Ridgewell+: SCIENCE HAS PROVEN BY YOUR GULLIBILITY THAT YOUR A JEHNOVAHS WITNESS!
Reply
:iconqueen-meme:
queen-meme Featured By Owner May 6, 2017
jesus christ
Reply
:iconkissasheep:
Kissasheep Featured By Owner May 6, 2017  Hobbyist Artist
Lol
Reply
:iconqueen-meme:
queen-meme Featured By Owner May 6, 2017
lel
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcoopergamertv:
CooperGamerTV Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
Well, it's time for a grandiose musical! Now featuring an extra song!

What lies ahead is a transcript of Nirvana's iconic performance on MTV Unplugged. Enjoy!









Floor Manager - "That's the nature of TV, I apologise in advance if we have to do a song over, but if we do do a song, we just need you ... never heard it, never heard it before, the magic of TV, so anyway we're gonna start in a few minutes, thanks again for coming and er ... let's hear it for the band. I also wanna play it up, you guys back here especially, you're on the camera the whole time, so ... Mike is just going to get some audience claps real quick, so then we can start whenever, you guys ready, so Mike is gonna take over and enjoy the show!"
Mike - "OK, er ... the one thing we do every time is we er ... try and set levels for audience applause so ... on the count, you all give me the loudest round of applause you have ever given anybody, it's most appreciated, so any ... one, two, three"
[The crowd applaud]
Mike - "That guy, that just said word ... that was great, so if you could try it one more time, on the count of three, thank you, one, two, three"
[The crowd applaud again]
Voice - "Kashmir"
Voice - "What"
Voice - "Kashmir"
Cobain - "Mohair! Plectrum"
Grohl - "Pat, you got any cigarettes?"
Cobain - "Good evening, this is off our first record, most people don't own it!"

🎶I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do, won't you have a clue?

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free

I do

I'm standing in your line
I do hope you have the time
I do pick a number, too
I do keep a date with you

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free

I do

I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do, won't you have a clue?

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
No, I can't see you every night
Free

I do... [4x]🎶






🎶Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy.
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late.
Take a rest, as a friend, as an old memoria
Memoria [x3]

Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memoria
Memoria [x3]

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun [x2]

Memoria [x4]

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun [x5]

Memoria🎶

Cobain - "Thank you, our friend Lori Goldston on cello"
Grohl - "And this is our new guitar player Pat"
Cobain - "He's a, a certified honorary punk rocker"
Grohl - "Thank you"
Cobain - "But he like Queen better, this was written by the Vaselines, at least it's a rendition of an old um ... Christian song, I think, but we do it the Vaselines way"
Grohl - "One, two, three, four"

🎶Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee

Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

[x2]
Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee

Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die
Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee🎶

Cobain - "I guarantee you, I will screw this song up so ..."
Grohl - "What song is it?"
Cobain - "Yeah, well, I at least know which part I'll screw up"
Grohl - "Yeah, like he only screws one up!"

🎶We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world

I laughed and shook his hand
And made my way back home
I searched for form and land [Alt: I searched for foreign land]
For years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazeless stare
At all the millions here
I must have died alone
A long, long time ago

Who knows?
Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world

Who knows?
Not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world🎶

Cobain - "Thanks, that was a David Bowie song"
Grohl - "What's next?"
Cobain - "I didn't screw it up did I?"
Grohl - "No"
Cobain - "OK, but here's another one I could screw up"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "Am I gonna do this by myself?"
Novoselic - "Yeah, do it by yourself"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "Pennyroyal Tea"
Novoselic - "Do it Kurt"
Grohl - "Are you gonna not sing? Do it by yourself"
Cobain - "OK, well, I think I'll try it in a different key, I'll try it in the normal key"
Grohl - "Yeah"
Cobain - "If it sounds bad, these people are just going to have to wait!"
Grohl - "Do you have a smoke?"

🎶I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty

Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally

I'm so tired and I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty

I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
I'm anemic royalty
I'm anemic royalty🎶

Grohl - "That sounded good!"
Cobain - "Shut up! What? Really erm ... well let's do it now, oh, we could play those two after that can we? Oops, OK, yeah but On A Plain's tuned down to a D. Let's just play them back to back, who cares, they can edit it different, this is a television show! We're gonna do erm ... Dumb now dummy, John"
Grohl - "Ready? One, two, three, four"


🎶I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy

Think I'm just happy [x3]

My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover ...
Have a hangover [x3]

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy

Think I'm just happy [x4]
I think I'm dumb [x12]🎶

Cobain - "The reason we didn't want to play these two songs in a row is because they're exactly the same song, so ... ready?"

🎶Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself

Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like more food
She asks me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself

Polly said

Polly says her back hurts
She's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
It amazes me, the will of instinct

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself🎶

Cobain - "Could I have a little more monitors Ian? The vocals"
Grohl - "Ready? One, two, three, four"

🎶I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched 'till I bled

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

The finest day that I ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain

My brother died every night
It's safe to say, don't quote me on that

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain

Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?

It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

And one more special message to go
And then I'm done, then I can go home

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

[x3]
I'm on a plain
I can't complain🎶

Cobain - "Oh yeah, I need you to do a little beat, so I can keep time"
Grohl - "OK, do that?"
Cobain - "Yeah"

🎶Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings

[x2:]
Something in the way, mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm

Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings

[x4:]
Something in the way, mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm🎶

Cobain - "Thank you, I only have had three cups of tea already, but thank you. Hurry up! Is that what you said?"
Novoselic - "Remember the little black bird on the ??"
Cobain - "The little what?"
Novoselic - "The little black bird on the ??"
Cobain - "No, I remember the little bird, remember that really evil episode where, where he was really mad at this kid, he had all these visions of how he was going to first, I'm going to take him up to a hill and tie him to a tree and tar and feather him! It was evil! That wasn't Christian at all!"
Novoselic - "It's all interpretation"
Cobain - "Yeah, what's next? oh, lets play the Meat Puppets, OK, Brothers Meat come up on stage"
Grohl - "Pat"
Cobain - "That was an evil show, it scares me, always did when I was a kid"
Grohl - "That last one, was last week"
Curt Kirkwood - "Should I go up on a ..."
Cobain - "These are the brothers Meat Puppets, we're big fans of theirs. Strap on your gee-tar, what?"
Curt Kirkwood - "... down"
Cobain - "You want us to play Nine Inch Nails songs?"
Audience - "Freebird!"
Cobain - "I've been waiting for that"
Curt Kirkwood - "I got a free bird for you right here!"
[The band all start to play Freebird]
Cobain - "Oh"
[Cobain joins in mumbling the words to Freebird]
Novoselic - "Tommy ?? today"
Cobain - "OK, do you wanna do Plateau first? What are they tuning a harp? I thought we were a big rich rock band, we should have a whole bunch of extra guitars!"

🎶Many a hand has scaled the grand old face of the plateau
Some belong to strangers and some to folks you know
Holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
To beautify the foothills and shake the many hands

There's nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
You see a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

When you've finished with the mop then you can stop
And look at what you've done
The plateau's clean, no dirt to be seen
And the work it was fun

There's nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
You see a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

Well the many hands began to scan around for the next plateau
Some said it was in Greenland and some say Mexico
Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood
But those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could🎶

Novoselic - "That's Curt, that's Cris"
Cris Kirkwood - "No, no"
Cobain - "I'm Kurt"
Chris Kirkwood - "That's Kurt"
Curt Kirkwood - "No, I'm thing one, that's thing two!"
Cobain - "Cover your hair in your eyes then, OK, this is called Oh Me"

🎶If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see

[x2]
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me🎶

Cobain - "One more, this is called Lake of Fire, all these songs are off their second record"
Grohl - "Ready y'all?"

🎶Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July

I knew a lady who came from Duluth
She got bit by a dog with a rabid tooth
She went to her grave just a little too soon
And she flew away howling on the yellow moon

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go down to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July

Now the people cry and the people moan
And they look for a dry place to call their home
And try to find some place to rest their bones
While the angels and the devils try to make them their own

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go down to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July🎶

Chris Kirkwood - "Thank you, thank you kindly, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Nirvana"
Cobain - "That was the Meat Puppets"
[Grohl drums the intro to Scentless Apprentice]
Grohl - "What now?"
Novoselic - "Are we done?"
Cobain - "Any requests?"
Grohl - "Sliver, that's a good one"
[Novoselic plays the intro to Sliver as the audience shout out for songs like In Bloom, Love Buzz and Marigold]
Cobain - "Leadbelly? How are we supposed to play In Bloom acoustically?"
[Novoselic plays In Bloom and pat joins in]
Cobain - "I need a plectrum, yeah"
[Cobain plays the start of All Apologies then stops]
Cobain - "Alright?"

🎶What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else should I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun

Married
Buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezer burn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun

[x2:]
Married
Buried

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah

[x13:]
All in all is all we are.🎵

Cobain - "Thank you"
Grohl - "What are we doing now?"
Cobain - "What?"
Grohl - "Sliver?"
[The band talk off mic and the crowd start shouting for more songs including Negative Creep]
Cobain - "Oh, I'm sorry, this is the last one"
Grohl - "Sure"
Novoselic - "How much time have we got?"
[Cobain starts to play Negative Creep]
Cobain - "Neither do I ... that's ... I mean everything they've been putting out"
Voice - "Rape Me!"
Grohl - "Look Kennedy!"
Cobain - "I don't think MTV would let us play that! um ... fuck you all, this is the last song of the evening!"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "This was written by ..."
Grohl - "What"
Cobain - "... my favourite performer, our favourite performer isn't it? all of us, do you like him the best?"
Novoselic - "Oh, who's that? ... wants to buy Leadbelly's guitar"
Cobain - "Oh yeah, this guy representing the Leadbelly estate wants to sell me Leadbelly's guitar for $500,000"
Novoselic - "We'll be passing a bucket later"
Cobain - "Yeah, I even asked David Guest ... Geffen personally if he'd buy it for me, he wouldn't do it! OK"

🎶My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

Her husband, was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found

My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through🎶

Cobain - "Thank you"

And now for a new song. A lovely little family-friendly ditty titled "Help Me I'm Hungry":

Hold me, there's too much tension
Grade me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking cornered
Grade me, you might be right

Lightning fucking around in my head
Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up
People freaking every day
White lights inside
What do you want

Cold naked man, picked off his scabs and
Fed them to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Hold me, something's happening
Help me, somebody help me
Hold me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm right here, who are you?

Naked man you say you saw
Fed them, to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him, it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Help me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking upWell, it's time for a grandiose musical! Now featuring an extra song!

What lies ahead is a transcript of Nirvana's iconic performance on MTV Unplugged. Enjoy!









Floor Manager - "That's the nature of TV, I apologise in advance if we have to do a song over, but if we do do a song, we just need you ... never heard it, never heard it before, the magic of TV, so anyway we're gonna start in a few minutes, thanks again for coming and er ... let's hear it for the band. I also wanna play it up, you guys back here especially, you're on the camera the whole time, so ... Mike is just going to get some audience claps real quick, so then we can start whenever, you guys ready, so Mike is gonna take over and enjoy the show!"
Mike - "OK, er ... the one thing we do every time is we er ... try and set levels for audience applause so ... on the count, you all give me the loudest round of applause you have ever given anybody, it's most appreciated, so any ... one, two, three"
[The crowd applaud]
Mike - "That guy, that just said word ... that was great, so if you could try it one more time, on the count of three, thank you, one, two, three"
[The crowd applaud again]
Voice - "Kashmir"
Voice - "What"
Voice - "Kashmir"
Cobain - "Mohair! Plectrum"
Grohl - "Pat, you got any cigarettes?"
Cobain - "Good evening, this is off our first record, most people don't own it!"

🎶I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do, won't you have a clue?

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free

I do

I'm standing in your line
I do hope you have the time
I do pick a number, too
I do keep a date with you

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free

I do

I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do, won't you have a clue?

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
No, I can't see you every night
Free

I do... [4x]🎶






🎶Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy.
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late.
Take a rest, as a friend, as an old memoria
Memoria [x3]

Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memoria
Memoria [x3]

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun [x2]

Memoria [x4]

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun [x5]

Memoria🎶

Cobain - "Thank you, our friend Lori Goldston on cello"
Grohl - "And this is our new guitar player Pat"
Cobain - "He's a, a certified honorary punk rocker"
Grohl - "Thank you"
Cobain - "But he like Queen better, this was written by the Vaselines, at least it's a rendition of an old um ... Christian song, I think, but we do it the Vaselines way"
Grohl - "One, two, three, four"

🎶Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee

Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

[x2]
Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee

Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are never made like me

Don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me

Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die
Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee🎶

Cobain - "I guarantee you, I will screw this song up so ..."
Grohl - "What song is it?"
Cobain - "Yeah, well, I at least know which part I'll screw up"
Grohl - "Yeah, like he only screws one up!"

🎶We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world

I laughed and shook his hand
And made my way back home
I searched for form and land [Alt: I searched for foreign land]
For years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazeless stare
At all the millions here
I must have died alone
A long, long time ago

Who knows?
Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world

Who knows?
Not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world🎶

Cobain - "Thanks, that was a David Bowie song"
Grohl - "What's next?"
Cobain - "I didn't screw it up did I?"
Grohl - "No"
Cobain - "OK, but here's another one I could screw up"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "Am I gonna do this by myself?"
Novoselic - "Yeah, do it by yourself"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "Pennyroyal Tea"
Novoselic - "Do it Kurt"
Grohl - "Are you gonna not sing? Do it by yourself"
Cobain - "OK, well, I think I'll try it in a different key, I'll try it in the normal key"
Grohl - "Yeah"
Cobain - "If it sounds bad, these people are just going to have to wait!"
Grohl - "Do you have a smoke?"

🎶I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty

Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally

I'm so tired and I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty

I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
I'm anemic royalty
I'm anemic royalty🎶

Grohl - "That sounded good!"
Cobain - "Shut up! What? Really erm ... well let's do it now, oh, we could play those two after that can we? Oops, OK, yeah but On A Plain's tuned down to a D. Let's just play them back to back, who cares, they can edit it different, this is a television show! We're gonna do erm ... Dumb now dummy, John"
Grohl - "Ready? One, two, three, four"


🎶I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy

Think I'm just happy [x3]

My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover ...
Have a hangover [x3]

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy

Think I'm just happy [x4]
I think I'm dumb [x12]🎶

Cobain - "The reason we didn't want to play these two songs in a row is because they're exactly the same song, so ... ready?"

🎶Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself

Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like more food
She asks me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself

Polly said

Polly says her back hurts
She's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
It amazes me, the will of instinct

Isn't me,
Have some seed
Let me clip,
Dirty wings
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself
Got some rope,
Have been told
Promise you,
Have been true
Let me take a ride,
Hurt yourself
Want some help,
Help myself🎶

Cobain - "Could I have a little more monitors Ian? The vocals"
Grohl - "Ready? One, two, three, four"

🎶I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched 'till I bled

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

The finest day that I ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain

My brother died every night
It's safe to say, don't quote me on that

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

I'm on a plain
I can't complain
I'm on a plain

Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?

It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

And one more special message to go
And then I'm done, then I can go home

I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?

[x3]
I'm on a plain
I can't complain🎶

Cobain - "Oh yeah, I need you to do a little beat, so I can keep time"
Grohl - "OK, do that?"
Cobain - "Yeah"

🎶Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings

[x2:]
Something in the way, mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm

Underneath the bridge
The tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings

[x4:]
Something in the way, mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm🎶

Cobain - "Thank you, I only have had three cups of tea already, but thank you. Hurry up! Is that what you said?"
Novoselic - "Remember the little black bird on the ??"
Cobain - "The little what?"
Novoselic - "The little black bird on the ??"
Cobain - "No, I remember the little bird, remember that really evil episode where, where he was really mad at this kid, he had all these visions of how he was going to first, I'm going to take him up to a hill and tie him to a tree and tar and feather him! It was evil! That wasn't Christian at all!"
Novoselic - "It's all interpretation"
Cobain - "Yeah, what's next? oh, lets play the Meat Puppets, OK, Brothers Meat come up on stage"
Grohl - "Pat"
Cobain - "That was an evil show, it scares me, always did when I was a kid"
Grohl - "That last one, was last week"
Curt Kirkwood - "Should I go up on a ..."
Cobain - "These are the brothers Meat Puppets, we're big fans of theirs. Strap on your gee-tar, what?"
Curt Kirkwood - "... down"
Cobain - "You want us to play Nine Inch Nails songs?"
Audience - "Freebird!"
Cobain - "I've been waiting for that"
Curt Kirkwood - "I got a free bird for you right here!"
[The band all start to play Freebird]
Cobain - "Oh"
[Cobain joins in mumbling the words to Freebird]
Novoselic - "Tommy ?? today"
Cobain - "OK, do you wanna do Plateau first? What are they tuning a harp? I thought we were a big rich rock band, we should have a whole bunch of extra guitars!"

🎶Many a hand has scaled the grand old face of the plateau
Some belong to strangers and some to folks you know
Holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
To beautify the foothills and shake the many hands

There's nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
You see a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

When you've finished with the mop then you can stop
And look at what you've done
The plateau's clean, no dirt to be seen
And the work it was fun

There's nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
You see a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

Well the many hands began to scan around for the next plateau
Some said it was in Greenland and some say Mexico
Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood
But those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could🎶

Novoselic - "That's Curt, that's Cris"
Cris Kirkwood - "No, no"
Cobain - "I'm Kurt"
Chris Kirkwood - "That's Kurt"
Curt Kirkwood - "No, I'm thing one, that's thing two!"
Cobain - "Cover your hair in your eyes then, OK, this is called Oh Me"

🎶If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see

[x2]
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me🎶

Cobain - "One more, this is called Lake of Fire, all these songs are off their second record"
Grohl - "Ready y'all?"

🎶Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July

I knew a lady who came from Duluth
She got bit by a dog with a rabid tooth
She went to her grave just a little too soon
And she flew away howling on the yellow moon

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go down to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July

Now the people cry and the people moan
And they look for a dry place to call their home
And try to find some place to rest their bones
While the angels and the devils try to make them their own

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go down to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July🎶

Chris Kirkwood - "Thank you, thank you kindly, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Nirvana"
Cobain - "That was the Meat Puppets"
[Grohl drums the intro to Scentless Apprentice]
Grohl - "What now?"
Novoselic - "Are we done?"
Cobain - "Any requests?"
Grohl - "Sliver, that's a good one"
[Novoselic plays the intro to Sliver as the audience shout out for songs like In Bloom, Love Buzz and Marigold]
Cobain - "Leadbelly? How are we supposed to play In Bloom acoustically?"
[Novoselic plays In Bloom and pat joins in]
Cobain - "I need a plectrum, yeah"
[Cobain plays the start of All Apologies then stops]
Cobain - "Alright?"

🎶What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else should I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun

Married
Buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezer burn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun

[x2:]
Married
Buried

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah

[x13:]
All in all is all we are.🎵

Cobain - "Thank you"
Grohl - "What are we doing now?"
Cobain - "What?"
Grohl - "Sliver?"
[The band talk off mic and the crowd start shouting for more songs including Negative Creep]
Cobain - "Oh, I'm sorry, this is the last one"
Grohl - "Sure"
Novoselic - "How much time have we got?"
[Cobain starts to play Negative Creep]
Cobain - "Neither do I ... that's ... I mean everything they've been putting out"
Voice - "Rape Me!"
Grohl - "Look Kennedy!"
Cobain - "I don't think MTV would let us play that! um ... fuck you all, this is the last song of the evening!"
Grohl - "What is it?"
Cobain - "This was written by ..."
Grohl - "What"
Cobain - "... my favourite performer, our favourite performer isn't it? all of us, do you like him the best?"
Novoselic - "Oh, who's that? ... wants to buy Leadbelly's guitar"
Cobain - "Oh yeah, this guy representing the Leadbelly estate wants to sell me Leadbelly's guitar for $500,000"
Novoselic - "We'll be passing a bucket later"
Cobain - "Yeah, I even asked David Guest ... Geffen personally if he'd buy it for me, he wouldn't do it! OK"

🎶My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

Her husband, was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found

My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through🎶

Cobain - "Thank you"

And now for a new song. A lovely little family-friendly ditty titled "Help Me I'm Hungry":

Hold me, there's too much tension
Grade me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking cornered
Grade me, you might be right

Lightning fucking around in my head
Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up
People freaking every day
White lights inside
What do you want

Cold naked man, picked off his scabs and
Fed them to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Hold me, something's happening
Help me, somebody help me
Hold me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm right here, who are you?

Naked man you say you saw
Fed them, to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him, it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Help me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking up
Hold me, some fucking help

That roughly translates to "No and go fuck yourself you prepubescent pile of shit"
Hold me, some fucking help

That roughly translates to "No and go fuck yourself you prepubescent pile of shit"
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:iconnethy1987:
nethy1987 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2017  Student Digital Artist
this is where you get free books
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:iconpunch-bowl:
punch-bowl Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
  • [ A horrible sound is heard, which turns out to be Squidward playing his clarinet until the doorbell rings. Doctor Forrest is at the door]
  • Doctor Forrest: Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises. [Squidward slams the door shut. Phone starts to ring.]
  • Squidward: Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the [plays a clarinet note]
  • Squilliam: Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh ol' chum?
  • Squidward: [gasp] Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
  • Squilliam: I hear you're playing the cash register now.
  • Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the unibrow?
  • Squilliam: [Waving his unibrow] It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.
  • Squidward: The ba-ba-ba... The ba-ba-ba... The ba-ba-ba?!?!
  • Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
  • Squidward: Ohh, uhh, I... I, uhh...
  • Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
  • Squidward: Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancy Boy?!
  • Squilliam: Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of... ibuprofen! [hangs up phone]
  • Squidward: I gotta drum up a marching band fast! Drum... haha... band humor. [In the following lines, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster]
  • Sandy: Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?
  • Plankton: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Bikini Bottom.
  • Mrs. Puff: And be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know.
  • Mr. Krabs: Not to mention free refreshments.
  • Larry: Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp. [Squidward looks at his watch while driving a shell cart]
  • Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.
  • [Cuts to inside the room, everyone is there]
  • All: Blah, blah, blah, blah...
  • Squidward: People, people, settle down! Ok, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
  • Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
  • Squidward: No.
  • Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
  • Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. [Patrick raises his hand again] Horseradish is not an instrument, either. [Patrick lowers his hand] That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you. [laughs]
  • [Everyone stays silent]
  • Mr. Krabs: So when do we get the free food?
  • Squidward: Ok, try to repeat after me. [Squidward plays 6 notes] Brass section, go. [brass section repeats badly] Good. Now the wind. [wind section repeats badly] And the drums. [drummers misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their sticks which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall] Too bad that didn't kill me. [Next scene] Let's just try stepping in the rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
  • SpongeBob: Is this the part where we start kicking?
  • Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
  • Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! [Patrick kicks Sandy in the leg]
  • Sandy: Ow! Why, you...! Why I oughta...! [she jumps on Patrick and starts fighting him until they roll outside and the doors slam shut]
  • Patrick: [Makes a very long painful scream.] [Everyone pauses and stares at the door, then Patrick sticks his head back in] Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on. [Patrick walks in and it is revealed that Sandy has stuck his body in a trombone. Trombone notes are heard as he walks towards his seat. As he sits down, he makes a sound of his trombone. Makes a loud trombone noise as he opens his mouth. Stares at himself.]
  • Narrator: Day two. [band walking down a street playing Semper Fidelis badly]
  • Squidward: Okay, that's perfect everybody. Bubble Bowl here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers let's move! C'mon, move! [Flag twirlers spin so hard that they take off into the sky and crash into a blimp, which causes an explosion. Trumpet player plays taps while everyone mourns, except Squidward, who just lies down on the ground]
  • Narrator: Day three.
  • Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming Plankton?
  • Plankton: It's tremendous, you wanna see? [Plankton plays the harmonica by running to and from holes, but soon runs out of breath; on his way to the last hole he blows an unsuccessful last raspberry into the harmonica and faints]
  • Narrator: Day four.
  • Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that none of you improved since we began... [Patrick chews on a trumpet] ...but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?
  • Plankton: [loudly] Correct!
  • Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! [screen cuts to the outside of the music school and a blast of noise ensues, breaking the windows. Cuts back inside music school, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition, his shirt's been ripped and his baton breaks] OK, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
  • Harold: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!
  • Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?!
  • Harold: [Shouts loudy] Big... Meaty... claws!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates.
  • Harold: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!
  • SpongeBob: No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
  • Nancy: Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us.
  • Squidward: Wait, wait. I know tensions are high... [everyone gets into a fight. Pilar and Larry are yelling at each other. Medley slams a drum at him] There's a deposit on that equipment, people! [everyone uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge at each other with large woodwinds, but try to screech to a halt, and Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals] Settle down, please! [Sandy and Frank are fighting. Sandy breaks the xylophone keys from Frank and Frank runs away. Patrick kicks Sandy, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Patrick realizes what's coming and runs away screaming as Sandy chases him with the trumpet. Cuts to the clock which shows 10 o'clock and everyone stops fighting]
  • Fred: Hey, class is over. [they all walk to the door where Squidward slams it open]
  • Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness...and crushed it! Crushed it into little tiny, bite-size pieces. I really expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks. [sobbing] Thanks for nothing! [Leaves]
  • Patrick: You're welcome.
  • SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?
  • Evelyn: A fireman.
  • SpongeBob: And Larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?
  • Larry: Some guy in an ambulance.
  • SpongeBob: Right. So, if we can all just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band.
  • Harold: Yeah, for the fireman!
  • All: Hooray!
  • SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. A 1, a 2, a skiddly diddly doo.
  • [At Bubble Bowl]
  • Squidward: I knew this was gonna happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that... [zooms out to reveal Squilliam is there] ...Squilliam doesn't find out! Squilliam! [screams]What are you doing here?!
  • Squilliam: Oh I just came to watch you blow it. So, where's your band?
  • Squidward: Uh, they couldn't come. They... died.
  • Squilliam: Then who's that?
  • Squidward: [screams and his eyes pop out] That would be my band!
  • SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward.
  • Squilliam: Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look. [SpongeBob dances]
  • Squidward: That's his... eager face. [Squilliam laughs while they all go into the Bubble Bowl]
  • Squidward: [everybody marches to the Bubble Bowl and starts performing] Well, I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.
  • SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward. [bowl raises above a football field]
  • Football Announcer: Okay, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band!
  • [A crowd of live-action people is shown.]
  • Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.
  • SpongeBob: Maybe we're in one of those toxic waste dumps.
  • Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick.
  • Squidward: [Nervously] Alright, everybody. [Glances at Squilliam, who grins and bounces his unibrow]Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4...
  • [Band plays wonderful intro. Squidward opens his eyes. SpongeBob begins singing]
  • SpongeBob: [voice of David Glen Eisley] ♪The winner takes all, it's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall will never sacrifice their will. Don't ever look back on the world closin' in. Be on the attack with your wings on the wind. Oh, the games will begin.♪ [Squilliam stares in shock, Squidward gives him a smug grin and throws his baton over his shoulder and uses his arms for conducting] ♪And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight,♪ [Squilliam faints and gets carried away by stretchers. Squidward waves a smug goodbye to him and runs to the middle of the stage] ♪And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And the one who's last to fall. We will have sweet, sweet victory...♪ [Squidward jumps up, frame freezes and fades to black.]
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:iconcobalt-earl:
Cobalt-Earl Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2017  Student Filmographer
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can’tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow!
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